A handy, 6-step template for refuting anything Obama, or anyone on the left, says or does.

We here at the RNC, now that we have the Administration fully on their heels, know that you, fellow conservatives, have your hands' full disagreeing with everything possible.  Using the hypothetical headline, "Obama Declares 10/14/2009 'National Puppy Day,'" the following can be used as a blueprint for discrediting these Godless Communists.

Obama Declares October 14th, "National Puppy Day"

1.  Begin with righteous indignation:

Be sure to get the blood boiling right off the bat by invoking several emotional, vitriolic references.  Mention Nazi Germany, Socialism, taxes, and the 9/11 terrorist attacks as much as possible.  Extra points for snide innuendo and poorly-masked sarcasm!

EXAMPLE:  As I sit here thinking of that horrible day for America - literally the greatest tragedy in human history - when those who hate America tried to take away our freedoms, I have to ask, "Are puppies making us safer?"  Thanks, Mr. President, for having the taxpayer's freedom and safety in mind...by praising puppies!

2.  Insert vague, tenuous historical comparison:

No distortion of "the facts" (as the liberal media would want you to think of them, anyway) is out of bounds.  If it's something Joe Sixpack might sort-of remember from Junior High History class, or if it's something Jenny Soccermom might have overheard being discussed while at her hairdresser, you've found refutation gold!

EXAMPLE:  You know who else likes puppies, Mr. Sorento?  Michael Vick.  That's Who.  Coronel Klink loved those German Shepherds, didn't he?  And look what happened to Bob Crane!  You should be afraid, America, history is repeating itself!

3.  Inflame further with thinly-veiled call for violence and unmasked allusion to "blackness."  Use the quotation-fingers gesture as much as possible:

EXAMPLE:  So, our President and Michael Vick are both "Puppy Supporters."  Don't you see, America?  "These People" are trying to destroy our "way of life" and "our values."  It's time for all "patriots" to "rise up" and "do something" about it.

4.  Make something up:

Time to stick the knife in and twist it.  Nothing gets a liberal to concede a debate faster than forcing them to respond to outrageous claims and ridiculous fabrications.  Everything is on the table.  Remember, the idea here is to redefine the argument and distract people from the so-called "real problems," (that liberal media, again).

EXAPMLE:  There was a man who also loved puppies.  He started by loving puppies, and then he killed Patty Hearst.  That man's name is Charles Manson, and the Administration has reportedly been in close contact with Manson on such issues as raising your taxes and giving all American babies The Gay.

5.  Issue talking points through the usual channels:

Be sure to recommend to Mr. Limbaugh and Mr. Beck, et. al., that they elude to the story in question days before they break the actual story.  In this fashion, our Point Men can claim clairvoyance when the time comes to inform the public of the latest Socialist Ploy.

EXAPMPLE:  First, Limbaugh refers to the president as, "Dawg" in a snarky tone of voice.  The next day O'Reilly calls Nancy Pelosi, "Obama's Lap Dog."  On day three, Beck refers to welfare recipients as, "Puppies suckling off the taxpayer's tit," while Palin claims, "America is going to the dogs" on Twitter.  THEN the "Puppy" story "breaks."  Natch!

6.  The RNC Mad Lib Wrap-Up:

Simply fill-in the blanks within the following sentence:

"Why is Obama wasting_____A_____on____B____when he could be____C____?!"

EXAMPLE:
For Blank "A:"  Time, Tax Dollars, Government Resources
For Blank "B:"  Puppies, Meaningless National Holidays, Healthcare Reform
For Blank "C:"  Dealing With Afghanistan, Cutting Taxes for the Rich, Saving Kittens

Realize that "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is now coming to the fore, Iran needs a good invading, and these leftist pinkos are going to probably want to legalize drugs sometime soon.

When these and other issues come up, consider this easily-malleable format a time saver so you aren't distracted from our true goals:  Deregulating industry, giving our donors the opportunity to rake in trillions of dollars, invading sovereign nations so our cronies can get multi-billion-dollar, unbidded contracts in oil-rich regions, and making America into the Theocracy that we all know She can be.  Good "hunting," people!